I said in my introduction that I wouldn't be making large, long winded, commentaries on the way in which life is and how Humans deal with their lives. However, as of late I have had feelings that are new and strange to me. I have a closeness to Christ that I haven't had in a very long time and I feel it growing stronger everyday and I find myself needing to spend time in closeness with him, I actually long for it; a new concept to me for sure. As, well being raised in the Environment that I was, a sense of strong morality and ethics was not instilled so I turned to seeking guidance from others and I found beliefs that that I am sure have shaped me to be who I am. I first clung to the teachings of Bushido and the Samurai code, next was the Chivalry of the Knights in the middle ages, and then when I couldn't find any that filled the gap I clung to these even harder, but, I began to develop my own morals and ethics and which led me to discover a hard heart, strong will, and a twisted sense of things. Lying, manipulation, violence, and strong language that was meant for the sole purpose to cause pain, shock, or grieve to others intentionally. I delighted in this. Over the last four years since the confrontation about my how my youth and childhood was presided over by my parents I have begun a road to where I am now, I have done my best to make repairs and for those relationships that I destroyed I have tried to reconcile with and in some cases have regained a new found strength in them. Despite what is thought by my society in my area my life and the life that was lived in front of people was not a cry for attention it was a cry for help and aid that was finally answered. Now sitting here writing this I finally have the conviction to tell these things. You might think this is strange and you might thing I am crazy for this but I wanted to Thank all of my friends who walked away from me. Yes Thank! I truly mean this not sarcastically, I am honest. If you hadn't walked away from me I would have never realized what was wrong and would have admitted that something was wrong and have begun to correct it. In the last year some event transpired that have led me to now and one in which has most recently occurred I reaffirmed my relationship with Christ and now I am seeking to be closer to him and gain a solid ground that I was never provided. Those of you who know me will know this phrase "your constitution". I gained this phrase form a college professior of mine, he taught me that a constitution isn't something that is just for nations or a large group of people with a goal in mind, but, rather everyone has a personal constitution that governs their lives. Things that they uphold and things the do not, things they are willing to do and things they are not. The question is what will your constitution allow you to do. Its asking could you really? I am at a point now where I feel as though my constitution has given me the ability to say life is truly beginning for me and that the path that was meant to be before me is finally taking shape. Like the rest of the human race I honestly don't know the end and I hope I never do I hope and pray that my life will be full of many adventures and excitement which I know it will but I pray and hope even harder that I have the eyes to see it and the ears to hear it. I am happy to say that I am Saved and happy to be so. Thank you for everyone of you that had an impact on my life whether it was positive, negative, or just making face myself because they have all led here.
With much love, Thank you.